7.23.2008

Part 3 and finale in ending a bad relationship

Well, the last time I posted about the "bad relationship" was quite some time ago. I spent some time reflecting on my past and why the relationship became so bad. And just how did it affect me so intensely? For a long time I thought that I was a "good person" because I worked as a teacher in the church. What a false sense of security I had. I discovered that the very place I was trying to save myself for was also the same place that was dragging me deeper into the depths of depression. How can this be? I became enslaved to a career and life that never embraced my true family, my true life. I was trying to make so many parents happy and show them that their child was going to excel that it engulfed me and I lost touch with my own child. For this aspect, I was deeply troubled that I pushed aside my child for so many months. A child with needs that were begging to be met. She craved my time and yet I was busy with some other child she never met. I thought that it made me a great teacher. I thought I was being a great Mom because I was spreading my care and love to others and really trying to make a difference. Can I just tell you that some parents truly don't want to to spend time with their child reading, playing, teaching daily life skills? They want teachers to do everything from potty training to academics. Kudos to those exceptional parents that showed such dedication to raising their child. And the worst part about the whole thing is... gulp.... I am also one of those parents that fell into a self absorbed world of myself. No, I was not out having coffee or shopping to avoid my child unlike several of my parents. Instead I was focused on how to get that one student to learn to say "y", or show how gravity works, or develop fine motor skills, and so on. It became a daily challenge to find a way to connect to each of my students. All the while, my daughter was asking for me to come watch a movie, see the cartoon she made, listen to her play the piano, etc. When it all came down and boy did it fall down hard on me, I was ashamed and saddened that I had become the very parent I had always despised. How could it be? No! Yet, I searched deep into my heart and I knew that I had neglected J. But alas, that is over! I had to leave teaching to make myself a better person, to make me a better Mom, to make me a better friend, to make me a better partner. Thus the bad relationship is over. The end and I see it for what it is, what is was. Most importantly, I now know that it was part of a bigger picture. Thank you to those I worked with but the utmost appreciation goes to my darling daughter whom never gave up on asking me to join in the fun with her. J and I are spending more time together than ever. As I look over at her while typing this post, all I can say is she is truly amazing. The past three months have been the greatest! She is completely changed, as am I!
So long to that "bad relationship" as I do not ever want to revisit it again.


On to the creations! Here's the first "Jar of Whimsies" swap completed. I still have to do my other one for MMFY. I did not want to over do it because part of the swap is being able to spy items in the container. It has a little decoration and is filled with all kinds of stuff!




The second is for a Tic Tac Container swap I joined. It's the same concept as the jar but you use a tic tac container and fill with goodies. Here's my partner's. Her name starts with K-hence initial. Thanks for looking!
I have more items to share but no pictures. Perhaps if the weather is clearer tomorrow I can get some shots?
Thank you for coming by! I do really appreciate it and your kind words!

2 comments:

Heather (Craftling)

Hi, Amy.. I often hop by to your blog for some inspiration from your lovely creations, but I rarely leave comments where word verification is required. However, I was moved by your story, and just wanted to congratulate you for your bravery in sharing it. I think a lot of parents will identify with you, and good for you for setting such a great example! Kudos to YOU, Amy!

Heather xx

care-in

I just came across your blog from CPS...your work is so beautiful.

I think the Lord knew I needed to see this post. I just finished my 9th year of teaching and will be taking a break. It wasn't my idea to take a break but I think I am seeing God's hand in it and am looking for what He plans for me with this unexpected change. My security of teaching is gone so I need to rest in Him.

Off to read the rest of the story!

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